“Straight-acting” and “cis-passing”. Huh?!

I’ve heard “straight-acting” back in the day, usually referring to masculine gay men and femme women, gays who follow typical gendered behavior to the point gaydars couldn’t easily pick up that they were gay. Men did it to either challenge the stereotype that gay men were effeminate, to “hide in the closet” that they’re gay and thus hypermasculinize their behavior, or because much of them was just stereotypically masculine and weren’t going to change something about themselves as part of some gay agenda to challenge things. Lesbians and female bisexuals who “acted straight” usually dressed more femme, engaged in female-orientated behaviors and activities, and didn’t act “butch” as the lesbian stereotype often portrays them; again, some were feminine out of necessity, some had to hide in the closet, and others weren’t going to alter themselves just because of someone’s agenda to challenge “heteronormative” standards.

This extends somewhat to the trans umbrella, where often to better “pass”, trans folk would pick up jobs, hobbies, interests, and other aspects of life of the opposite sex. For trans men like me, that would mean dressing in suits or baggy clothing, working in trades like welding or careers like IT, and pursuing hobbies like video games (although this is increasingly unisex) and cars (yea…not me). For trans women, this means the wearing the frilliest clothes and the latest hair fashions, working in service jobs or something traditionally feminine like nursing or receptionist, and picking up hobbies like fashion and cooking. (Not to mention doing whatever they could to undergo SRS, especially female facialization, which helped them to finally pass.)

Look, in the US, the idea is now about being “true to oneself”, but in much of the rest of the world, survival is of upmost importance. LGBs need to “act straight”, and trans people need to “pass”. Being considered LGBT can send us anywhere from jail to death row. In many states, despite our marriages being officially recognized, we can still lose shit for being LGBT, from jobs and housing, to our health insurance (which often still denies services specific to transsexual health needs). So, often, acting and looking like one sex or the other is not a matter of feeling sane, it’s either life or death.

For we who are transsexual and are lucky enough to undergo the steps of sex reassignment therapy and can finally live as members of the opposite sex, it irks me when I hear transgenders who do nothing to transition trash those of us who do “pass”. First off, for the trans umbrella to use the term themselves still reinforces the notion we’re just crossdressing, which counters what they claim they’re aiming against. I don’t “pass” as a man, I am a man. To say I have “passing privilege” is a slap in the face to all the hard work I put to heal my body and finally live my life on my terms. I don’t have privilege, I have earned my keep.

I paid my dues to change my legal documents; to see these transgenders say they shouldn’t even have to pay to use their “preferred names” when even cissexuals still have to, even on a whim, that shows they want preferential treatment or privileges. To say transgenders shouldn’t require even consultations or second opinions for sex change surgeries sounds like they want special treatment, when even cosmetic surgery requires legit surgeons to have consultations to make sure their clients are of clear mind. Don’t even get me started (yet) on people pushing to let go of the WPATH Standards of Care and move towards an informed consent model.

Members of the LGBT community are not automatically hear to challenge stereotypes. If the goal is to be oneself, let them be themselves.

And then I see transgenders looking at us trans men who pass get labeled as “reinforcing toxic masculinity“. I really don’t know where to begin with this one… Look, I like hockey, I’m returning to school to learn welding as a trade, I’m attracted to women. I don’t actively go out of my way to fit into a box; this just happens to be who I am, what I like. And you know what? Life is hard as a guy. While maybe I might be able to get away with certain antics more, the burden to meet goals and quotas is much harder. There are almost no laws on the books to protect me from anything, from screwing up to layoffs, whereas other demographics have laws protecting them due to their sex, their race or ethnicity, their creed or origin. (We need anti-discrimination laws, don’t get me wrong.) And in discussions dealing with the trans umbrella, I always hear about trans women on genderqueers, but almost nothing about binary trans men.

If we want people to be themselves, don’t shit on them if who they are, how they behave, how they dress, or anything about them just so happens to fit within traditional stereotypes.

When I was butch, people asked me why not undergo sex change therapy; now that I’m male, people wonder why I couldn’t remain happy as a butch lesbian. Yea…

Author: Charlie

I live my life trying to be your everyday guy. Drink—maybe too much?—coffee. Watch hockey. Work to pay the bills. The truth is, there’s one major aspect of me that separates me from most men: I was born with a female body. I am three years post-op, and have never been happier with both my body and my life, or quality of life.

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