My history as a lesbian still connects to the LGBT community.

For 15 years, before coming to terms with my transsexuality, I identified as a “hella butch lesbian”. I tried every which way to live as butch, attracted to women…but that identity as a woman never fit well. Much of this overlapped the Bush presidency, and it was fucking hard. Just think how much harder it could have been trying to transition back then!

The Pride flag was meant to represent the entire LGBT community,
not just gays and lesbians. 🏳️‍🌈

I see myself, first and foremost, as a straight man. It’s hard going to LGBT events that focus on same-sex or “same gender loving” relationships—but hey, it’s for gays, lesbians, and bisexuals in same-sex relationships, not transsexuals in relationships where each parter lives as different sexes. It’s hard attending trans-focused events when they mostly focus on trans women or non-binaries, especially on life pre-op or when people don’t easily “pass” as their “preferred gender”. People not within the community see me as a member of this demographic; the transgender community tries to claim me as a member, despite trying to rewrite my narrative to suit their agenda. Gay- and lesbian-focused events hate that transgenders are trying to make it center around them, and not solely on same-sex relationships.

I walk between worlds, often unable to fully live within either, often feeling isolated from or unaccepted by either. Even my AFAB, but masculine, siblings whom I personally know—I often feel alienated from even them, because our experiences, objectives, and identities are so different. A fish out of water, no which way I turn.

Still, two things keep me connected to the LGBT community. I have identified as “hella butch” for over 15 years, and that will always be a part of my story. My sex change is the other big part. I—usually—don’t care how others see me, because I define myself, and how I live myself. I will not simply become your friend because we are family, but if we have other things in common, I’ll find ways to be your friend. And despite all our differences, I will find my way in this world, and find my place in both the straight and LGBT worlds.

Author: Charlie

I live my life trying to be your everyday guy. Drink—maybe too much?—coffee. Watch hockey. Work to pay the bills. The truth is, there’s one major aspect of me that separates me from most men: I was born with a female body. I am three years post-op, and have never been happier with both my body and my life, or quality of life.

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